Part I Writing

标准版

Doing Shopping Online

With the development of the Internet， shopping is no longer a tiring thing. Just click your mouse to choose the articles you like， and the purchase is done. You don‘t even have to step out of the room. It seems all easy and quick.

However， people’s opinions vary on this trend. Some believe that on line shopping is time and money saving. With plentiful selection options， they can buy whatever they like at any time convenient. Still others insist that mis-purchasing alone is annoying enough， not to mention the credibility of the sellers and the safety of their accounts.

In my opinion， the convenience and excitement of on line shopping is beyond all doubts. In the meantime， we must always bear in mind that certain traps do exist， so we‘d better make sure the sellers are trustworthy before buying. In addition， we should also guard ourselves from the potential hackers who might steal our account information.

文章点评：

这是一篇“中等偏上”的学生作文。 本文先对网购热潮进行简介，引出全篇；接着对网络购物的正反两方面进行对比；最后提出自己的看法结束全篇。整体看思路清晰，逻辑严密，行文流畅，用语较为地道。

下面说一下这篇文章的有待提高之处：

1. 文章结构上，能看得出该同学试图采用议论文的“三段式”（提出问题、分析问题、解决问题）。 但是，以“With the development of the Internet”为开首语，有些落入俗套，有硬套模板的嫌疑。稍加注意，应该能写出更好的句子。

2. 微观语言点方面，有些语句稍显啰嗦，比如With plentiful selection options… 简化成With plentiful selections… 更好，意思没有丝毫减损，表达力反而增强许多。

高分版

Nowadays， can we find a person who has not experienced online shopping？ Definitely not. Online shopping is coming into fashion in most of cities due to the rapid development of internet technology.

Online shopping is welcomed by most people due to various reasons. From the perspective of consumer， it can save some time for people who don’t have much spare time. Just click the mouse， they can get whatever they want while staying at home. For the retailers， it can cut some costs for those who don’t have much circulating funds. They don’t have to rent a house and spend money on employees compared with the traditional trade mode. However， there are still some defects in online shopping. First， face to face deal makes online shopping less reliable and trustworthy. Second， people will lose the fun of bargain.