When it comes to situations where you’re caring for another child, white is straightforward: “common sense must prevail. If things don’t go well, then have a chat.”
There’re a couple of new grey areas. Physical punishment, once accepted from any adult, is no longer appropriate. “A new set of considerations has come to the fore as part of the debate about how we handle children.”
For Andrew Fuller, the child-centric nature of our society has affected everyone:” The rules are different now from when today’s parents were growing up,” he says, “Adults are scared of saying: ’don’t swear’, or asking a child to stand up on a bus. They’re worried that there will be conflict if they point these things out – either from older children, or their parents.”
He sees it as a loss of the sense of common public good and public courtesy (礼貌), and says that adults suffer form it as much as child.
Meredith Fuller agrees: “A code of conduct is hard to create when you’re living in a world in which everyone is exhausted from overwork and lack of sleep, and a world in which nice people are perceived to finish last.”
“it’s about what I’m doing and what I need,” Andrew Fuller says. ”the days when a kid came home from school and said, “I got into trouble”. And dad said, ‘you probably deserved it’. Are over. Now the parents are charging up to the school to have a go at teachers.”
This jumping to our children’s defense is part of what fuels the “walking on eggshells” feeling that surrounds our dealings with other people’s children. You know that if you remonstrate(劝诫) with the child, you’re going to have to deal with the parent. it’s admirable to be protective of our kids, but is it good?
“Children have to learn to negotiate the world on their own, within reasonable boundaries,” White says. “I suspect that it’s only certain sectors of the population doing the running to the school –better –educated parents are probably more likely to be too involved.”
White believes our notions of a more child-centred, it’s a way of talking about treating our children like commodities(商品). We’re centred on them but in ways that reflect positively on us. We treat them as objects whose appearance and achievements are something we can be proud of, rather than serve the best interests of the children.”
One way over-worked, under-resourced parents show commitment to their children is to leap to their defence. Back at the park, Bianchi’s intervention(干预) on her son’s behalf ended in an undignified exchange of insulting words with the other boy’s mother.
As Bianchi approached the park bench where she’d been sitting, other mums came up to her and congratulated her on taking a stand. “Apparently the boy had a longstanding reputation for bad behaviour and his mum for even worse behaviour if he was challenged.”
Andrew Fuller doesn’t believe that we should be afraid of dealing with other people’s kids. “look at kids that aren’t your own as a potential minefield,” he says. He recommends that we don’t stay silent over inappropriate behaviour, particularly with regular visitors. |
