Here’s a challenge: If it’s something you wouldn’t ordinarily do, do it. Try a dish you’ve never eaten. Listen to music you’d ordinarily tune out. You’ll discover these small things add to your emotional energy.
2. Reclaim life’s meaning.
So many of my patients tell me that their lives used to have meaning, but that somewhere along the line things went stale.
The first step in solving this meaning shortage is to figure out what you really care about, and then do something about it. A case in point is Ivy, 57, a pioneer in investment banking. “I mistakenly believed that all the money I made would mean something,” she says. “But I feel lost, like a 22-year-old wondering what to do with her life.” Ivy’s solution? She started a program that shows Wall Streeters how to donate time and money to poor children. In the process, Ivy filled her life with meaning.
3. Put yourself in the fun zone.
Most of us grown-ups are seriously fun-deprived. High-energy people have the same day-to-day work as the rest of us, but they manage to find something enjoyable in every situation. A real estate broker I know keeps herself amused on the job by mentally redecorating the houses she shows to clients. “I love imagining what even the most run-down house could look like with a little tender loving care,” she says. “It’s a challenge—and the least desirable properties are usually the most fun.”
We all define fun differently, of course, but I can guarantee this: If you put just a bit of it into your day, you energy will increase quickly.
4. Bid farewell to guilt and regret.
Everyone’s past is filled with regrets that still cause pain. But from an emotional energy point of view, they are dead weights that keep us from moving forward. While they can’t merely be willed away, I do recommend you remind yourself that whatever happened is in the past, and nothing can change that. Holding on to the memory only allows the damage to continue into the present.
5. Make up your mind.
Say you’ve been thinking about cutting your hair short. Will it look stylish—or too extreme?
You endlessly think it over. Having the decision hanging over your head is a huge energy drain.
Every time you can’t decide, you burden yourself with alternatives. Quit thinking that you have to make the right decision; instead, make a choice and don’t look back.
6. Give to get.
Emotional energy has a kind of magical quality; the more you give, the more you get back. This is the difference between emotional and physical energy. With the latter, you have to get it to be able to give it. With the former, however, you get it by giving it.
Start by asking everyone you meet, “How are you?” as if you really want to know, then listen to the reply. Be the one who hears. Most of us also need to smile more often. If you don’t smile at the person you love first thing in the morning, you’re sucking energy out of your relationship. Finally, help another person—and make the help real, concrete. Give a massage (按摩) to someone you love, or cook her dinner. Then, expand the circle to work. Try asking yourself what you’d do if your goal were to be helpful rather than efficient. |
